(Illustration: "Cookie" by Uildrim - Deviant Art...)

To Whom It May Concern:

I feel compelled to set the record straight on accusations leveled at me, and perhaps clarify to one and all, who and what I am and from where my real motivation comes.

  1. Chocolate Cake

    First, I concede that yes, the occasional chocolate cake has its appeal, if moist and not too rich and heavy, just as it does to any other man, provided actually humanoid, not yet stripped of his sweet tooth libido or who's palate so pitifully poorly endowed that he lacks the courage to be so intimately revealed and associated with the richness of quality chocolate cake. Not many, I would imagine, but still, to each his own. And don't tell me women don't enjoy similar, as we all know they do---almost anything chocolate, especially in a fit of depression, given similar qualification as her masculine counterpart.

    So to make it sound as if I stand alone in this quest, is both false, and tends to color it in a selfish light where it does not warrant. Indeed, as a gift on St. Valentine's Day for example, the only thing even better than this singular offering chocolate to one's partner (in almost any form), is being able to share in simultaneous uninhibited spontaneous event, one to the other, in harmony. The mutual sharing thus bringing heightened enjoyment for both.

    As long as we are dreaming of said chocolate cake, I also desire a slice with both ice-cream and whipped cream. So there you have it.

  2. Chocolate Ice-cream or Mint Ice-cream with Chocolate Ships

    Of course in the category of all things chocolate, there is chocolate ice-cream. While not an addiction as some of my accusers would have it, if given the opportunity to effect my absence of presence and go where my palate takes me, then yes, it's off to Gelato Più here in Italy for a medium cup with whip cream and an oversized waffer cookie, or there in the U.S. it's off to the nearest supplier of Breyers chocolate ice-cream. Smooth and easy, it takes me to places only dreams tell you of. 

    However, even closer to a truly transcendent state of nirvana, and to experience pleasure with the Gods of indulgence, then it's Breyers Mint Ice-cream with chocolate chips. Close your eyes and you're in the clouds. Now that's heaven on earth, if there is such a thing. The difficult part of such an experience is resisting temptation and knowing when to stop. For once your on that dream-like slippery path, it's very hard to turn things around for moderation and self-control, and before you know it, you've rationally justified demolishing almost the entire canister.
  3. Tiramisu

    Then I wish to draw focus to the second of my accusations, being the oversimplified and almost derogatorily named "Italian desserts." 

    Please know the higher truth here, that it's almost exclusively Tiramisu, and NOT merely just any “Italian” dessert or a quick sweet "pick me up" in the simple sense, like some little boy's amateurishly decorated birthday cake, peeing in his pants, anxiously awaits a few clumps of the food-coloring on some amusement park mechanical elephant with a painted smile personified.

    No, indeed I am quite haughty in this quest, and a veritable connoisseur of fine Tiramisu, sampling Tiramisu from all over the world. Yes, this arena is much grander for me. It bears and encompasses the greater spectrum of all Tiramisu from many lands and recipes, and the sheer freedom of their variety. To critique which is the better of the many is the challenge, and is not unlike snobbish critic seeking a fine wine, and discarding many disqualifying candidates with arrogant disdain.

    For only in sampling so many, only a few, unlike others called by the same name, with complete autonomy of taste sensation, climbing to heights of delicacy where you dare not look down, can you truly come to know the real meaning of the word “Tiramisu,” and appreciate the correct balance of mascarpone, coffee, savoiardi and liquor that magically keeps you aloft, the awesome power in the combining tastes that your tongue may pass thru, the tranquility of cream like being over the clouds. Now THAT's what I would call "Tiramisu!," an Italian dessert “dolce.”

  4. Cream Soda, Rock Candy and Cotton Candy

    And as for my being a genius, well perhaps, but that depends on many factors, does it not?

    There are many a stupid smart-persons, just as there are many very smart stupid-people. And many are born into good families and good luck; I have the advantage and good fortune to have been raised in greater East Coast Italian Americana, weaned on cream soda, rock candy and cotton candy from a very early age, for those who might remember Cony Island from the 1960's.

    An already high IQ, being classified as genius by most standards, I confess I was a prodigy for both licking techniques of tall Mister Softee ice-cream cones with chocolate and colored sprinkles, and some very innovative combinations of Banana Splits where the opportunity was presented. I further confess I skipped right over most of my high-school years with little to no desire for anything sweet, as I was already attending college with the seasonal Xmas Swiss Chocolate Roll Cake of many variations.

    But genius is, as genius does...

  5. Cookie Criminal

    However, I also confess my character is flawed; I am a Cookie Criminal.

    I steal cookies, of many types, and in the most devious and dishonest ways. I am not just evil, deceitful and dishonorable in this obsession, but I can be compared to some of the most diabolical illustrious serial killers who walked the earth, striking fear in the hearts of all who rightfully avoid dark alleys at night (or dark pantries where cookies are supposedly well out of reach).

    To me it's an art, and I find devilishly clever methods of taking cookies, and not leaving a single crumb, or any clue that I was even there at all. I am not ashamed to admit I am the cat-burglar of cookies of all kinds, and like a ghost, I will take your cookies without a shred of guilt in my heart. And I always have an ironclad alibi, no one has ever found evidence that could be connected to me in any way, and I walk away scot-free every time.

    It's not the cookie or the satisfaction of the eating; no, the greater gratification (and the more evil) is the challenge to take them and not get caught.

    These heinous deeds are the sinister desires that haunts my past, and a hunger that compels me my daily life to repeat again and again, and more and more. In fact, murder by numbers is far easier as the song goes, and indeed, I find my conscience bothers me even less, the more I do, and the more cookies I abscond with in a given take.

    Thus I assert that genius is as genius does, and genius can yet still be used for good, or can be used for evil. The choice is up to each of us.

  6. True Motivation; Making the World a Better, Sweeter Place

    Greed, gluttony and ravenous desire to possess have no place.

    I state again for the record, I am not all about the money or sugar rush. Ever.

    Beyond a very few perhaps eccentric (or perhaps egocentric) or selfish desires and less that obvious character flaws I may have as above, I make many sacrifices for the greater good, and I have a never-ending purpose to help people, and to make this world a better, sweeter place. How we go about that is a discussion for another day. But it remains.

    In recent years, I am quite content to practice relative moderation with the wife's delicious and always tempting recipe for Italian Pear cake, made of delicate flaky moist cake with coconut shavings, containing bits of ripe pear and broken chips of chocolate. Americans might even consider it “semi-sweet” and it more appropriate at a more mature age, with less tolerance for high sugars.

    But the plain truth is that many sugar substitutes and artificial sweeteners are hazardous to your health.
    Try Stevia which is a great and natural alternative, despite any disinformation from the FDA.
    And this is merely the tip of the iceberg. Willy Wonka was a lunatic.

    The point being, if in the process of helping others, I can perhaps have some little sweet taste for myself, then indeed who could ask for more?

    It is my hope that others see the greater truth here, and align with this philanthropic pursuit without misrepresentation, and together united, actually make a difference in this world.

  7. Good vs Evil; Sweet vs Starvation

    And I pose this question to the world that does not make sense to me still...

    If we posit that we are trying to impact the world for its betterment, then what truly confounds me always, is why the very people trying to do good in this world, and those following them with same loyalty, dedication and hope for a brighter future, are the very people to be starved of the desserts to enjoy, and those necessary to affect good in this world, and instead live a life of struggle, abstain from anything sweet, and almost endless longing for the dessert they well deserve.

    One would think that they would be showered with all the cake, chocolate and candy they would ever desire, no? Do others not want conditions to change for the better in this world?? Seems the only logical conclusion.